“So, is one of them your boyfriend or husband?”
Take a hint, guys: this is not the way to begin a conversation with the girl you see sitting in the stands. When the gentleman who posed this question found out that I wasn’t there to see my boyfriend or husband play—let alone to try and snag one—he swiftly switched the subject to the dedication and loyalty of the Mariners fan base.
Surprisingly, this wasn’t the first frustrating conversation of my morning. Earlier in the day, another stranger asked me why I was going to watch the Mariners. Before I could reply, the answer dawned on him. “Oh, I know why you’re going. You just like watching the players. I get it.”
You can stick “Are you dating the players?” right up there with “Are you pregnant?” on the list of questions you should never ask women. It’s not just the insulting assumption that a woman must be romantically involved with a player to enjoy baseball, but the idea that she needs to explain why she’s a fan before she can fully be accepted into the inner sanctum of the Male Sports World.
Over the past two years of my baseball fandom, I’ve witnessed many instances of discrimination against female fans and writers. Most recently, it appeared in the form of an article from SeedSpitters, titled “Baseball knowledge and an appreciation for significant others.” In it, the author applauds women for “hopping on the Giants bandwagon on behalf of their men,” and confidently proclaims that while “men constantly yearn for baseball knowledge,” most women do not.
Never mind that he is oblivious to the 47% of female fans in MLB. Never mind that talented women writers make consistently brilliant contributions to sports sites like SB Nation, Fangraphs, and Baseball Prospectus. Never mind that the possession or lack of certain body parts doesn’t have any bearing on a person’s ability to enjoy, understand, or analyze baseball.
What makes me most upset, whether a so-called sportswriter is rejoicing in his girlfriend’s “attempt to understand baseball” or another fan is questioning my relationship status, is that instances like this place us back on defense. In order to be taken seriously as fans, we have to repeatedly prove our knowledge of the game and our loyalty to a team.
Even if our dedication appears sincere, the assumption remains that our love for baseball must stem from a desire to please our boyfriends, husbands, fathers, brothers, or male friends. More often than not, we actually have to say the words, “No, I’m not dating a player. No, I don’t watch baseball because the players are cute.”
For the men who profess to be delighted by this sudden and strange influx of women in the sports world, here’s a novel idea: try talking to me about the game instead of gaping at the fact that I’m sitting next to you in the stands. Until then, asking me which player I find the most attractive will get you nowhere.
I love you for writing this. ♥
Aww, thanks.
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Very well said and oh, boy do I hear you. I usually go to games with my husband. Baseball is one of our things together. And it never ceases to amaze me how many guys try to talk to him about the game and ignore me, even though I’m more knowedgable…a mis-assumption my husband usually corrects. “Dude, you should be talking to my wife. I don’t know how he does against lefties…” But it is annoying that I need to be ushered into the boys club. As for the really annoying types with the “oh, you’re just here to watch the players.” I have taken to responding with something along the lines of ‘Yes, watch them hit and watch them nail plays. Forget the long ball, this chick digs a perfectly executed 6-4-3.’ Yes, it’s “proving” my fanship with obvious displays of baseball knowledge, but it also usually makes the tactless gent in question feel about 4 in. tall, which I find enormously satisfying.
I will say that I’ve noticed improvement. Young guys (teens, early 20s) don’t seem to require proof of fandom from me. They seem to just see two fans cheering the game together and chat with both of us like we know our stuff. And when we used to sit in the right field “bleacher” section, we would see the same fans over and over again and once I was in the boys club, I stayed there. Having to be accepted is absolutely not fair, especially having to work for it. But I don’t think any amount of sports knowledge would have gotten me in the boys club to begin with a decade ago, so that’s something. Hopefully in a few more seasons it will just be the fans club.
– Kristen
I love the “6-4-3″ comment! Next time I’m faced with a fan who questions my motives for attending a game, I’ll have to remember to keep my cool and use that line. And yes, I have to give credit to the guys I know (like you said, mostly those in their 20s) who don’t doubt the sincerity of female fans. Perhaps in the next decade, this won’t even be an issue.
Hey Ashley! It’s been a while.
I took a Woman and Gender Studies class last quarter, we discussed that sports is probably the hardest area for equality between men and women. Modern sports like basketball/baseball/ect. were exclusively played by men for the longest time because the idea of masculinity and gender roles established in the post World War II era.
Because baseball is such a complex game, I think that the female fans are more knowledgeable about the game compared to other sports. (Basketball, soccer fans HELLO? the bodies of those sports are much more….yeah) That’s a good hint, approach females fans as if they’re knowledgeable; AT&T is a great social mixer for dating.