Ugly Christmas sweater parties have long been a staple of the holiday season. Though I can’t vouch for their popularity in social circles over, say, 25 years old, there is a certain appeal of finding and parading around in outfits bedazzled with tinsel and cotton ball snowmen. Bonus points if it lights up or plays “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”
Now, while I’ve never been overly fond of squandering leftover Christmas present money on hideous costumes, the power of Twitter led me to a blog post that had a sweater so outlandish, so delightfully awful, that I was forced to reconsider my position:
So, in the spirit of Christmas traditions and what feels like a never-ending offseason, here are twelve more of the Internet’s ugliest baseball sweaters. May they warm your baseball-deprived souls and empty your wallets this winter.
We’ll begin with something a little easier on the eyes: the vintage baseball sweater. Vintage baseball sweaters are not ugly on purpose; in fact, current trendsetters have determined that it is now socially acceptable to comb through your parents’ closets for retro 70s and 80s attire (whether your parents still have clothes from those decades or find this behavior acceptable are entirely separate issues). You can probably wear this sweater long after your ugly baseball sweater party ends—though your ironic fashion taste may not be widely appreciated outside of the ballpark.
For those who prefer to stay on the cutting edge of the fashion world, try the ultra-retro, one-of-a-kind tapestry baseball sweater. If your friends don’t immediately start weaving wearable wall hangings of their own, feel free to cut off the sleeves and hang up this sweater on your bedroom wall. Hey, found art!
Next, we have a classic sweater vest. This will land you further down on the “best-dressed” list, but allows you to pair your knit baseball attire with a festive print turtleneck. So much of proper fashion these days relies on tasteful layering and complementary color palettes, you know.
Maybe your dilemma lies not with selecting the right baseball sweater, but with finding one that encompasses your love for multiple sports. If so, there is a sweater for you! This Jack B. Quick cardigan pays homage to six different sports, including tennis, football, soccer, golf, and basketball.
If you’re one of the fortunate few enjoying the holidays in a warmer climate, eBay also offers a short-sleeved baseball sweater. Should any fellow partygoer become confused with the random assortment of balls, gloves, and bats scattered across the front, the word “baseball” is clearly and helpfully embroidered on the back.
ballparkbob says it better than I ever could: “Be the ‘Belle of the Ballpark’ w/ Your Baseball Sweater.” And really, what more could you ask from a sweater?
Whether your taste runs a little simpler or you just want a sweater to wear year-round, this is the piece your sweater collection has been missing. This tasteful, muted oatmeal sweater depicts a ballplayer about to miss a pitch against the majestic backdrop of salmon-colored mountains.
In a cross-stitched illustration of various MLB rivalries, this baseball jacket features two old-fashioned players locked in an infinite grapple for a baseball bat. Or, if you’d like to put a positive spin on things, these characters exhibit remarkable sportsmanship by sharing a bat on opposing teams. The bottom line: This sweater is not only stylish and unique, but comes with a ready-made moral, whatever that may be.
Feast your eyes on the self-proclaimed ugliest ugly baseball sweater ever. Boldly stitched with large glove and baseball patches, Etsy seller Jenifer sums up her product perfectly: “Take the ugly sweater game by the horns [...] with this hideously radical crocheted baseball masterpiece of a sweater.”
Traditional Christmas parties not your piece of (fruit)cake? Try a Christmas party in July! You’ll be decked out in red, white, blue, and baseball in this patriotic lightweight jacket. One caveat for AL Central fans: the sweater has a retro Cleveland Indians cap and insignia on the back.
Stretching the definition of “sweater” to include “all garments vaguely resembling outerwear,” there is this lovely, if puzzling throwback to the colonial period. Let us not examine the possible connotations of the word “screwball” too closely here.
Finally, the crowning glory of ugly baseball sweaters. This deep v-neck has it all: hand-stitched pinstripes, a baseball diamond, assorted baseball paraphernalia, and the American flag. Stun your family and friends with its intense color palette, scandalous neckline, and bold tribute to the sport we so dearly miss. We stand in awe.
If you would like to purchase any of the above sweaters, click the respective images to visit the seller’s pages.